I’m a perfectionist. There, I said it. If you know me, chances are you knew that already. It’s no secret. So if you’re reading this article, there’s a good chance that you’re a perfectionist too – or at least have tendencies towards being one, maybe without even realizing it. Perfectionism isn’t always a bad thing. If you’re training for a marathon, it’s reasonable to want to put in the mileage and follow a healthy diet so that you can be in the best possible shape when race day comes around.

And if you’re working on an assignment or project at work, having high standards is probably pretty important so that your boss or clients are happy. But when striving for excellence becomes the only acceptable option, it can be easy to lose touch with reality. The quest for perfection can make you miss out on valuable opportunities and experiences that might have been fun or rewarding. It can also backfire in a big way if you’re not careful – remember the time you almost missed your flight after spending an hour getting your hair just right?

The good news is that there are a few simple things you can do to stop being a perfectionist – or at least to make it a lot less challenging. Here are 20 tips for how you can let go of your quest for perfection and start enjoying life more.

1. Stop saying, “I’m a perfectionist.”

It can be easy to define yourself as a perfectionist, but it’s not very accurate. You’re not perfect, so you can’t be a perfectionist. It’s like saying, “I’m great at everything” or “I never make mistakes.” It doesn’t make any sense. Many people use the phrases “I’m a perfectionist” or “I’m kind of a perfectionist” as an excuse, but it doesn’t hold up – if you’re always striving for excellence and reaching your goals, good for you! But more often than not, people who use the phrases “I am a perfectionist” or “I am kind of a perfectionist” are saying, “I used to be super motivated, but it got exhausting.”

2. It’s okay to make mistakes, and it doesn’t mean you’re lazy

Many perfectionists have a hard time differentiating between laziness and making a mistake. If you can’t find something in your house when you need it, do you think it’s because you’re lazy, or do you think someone might have moved it? If your computer crashes, are you willing to bet that the problem was on your end, or do you think something is wrong with the software? No one wants problems like these to happen, but they will occasionally. We all make mistakes sometimes. It doesn’t make you lazy unless you never try to fix the problem.

3. It’s not all or nothing

Perfectionists tend to think in terms of all or nothing – either something is perfect, or it’s a total disaster. They also tend to see the bad things that could happen instead of focusing on what’s good about a situation or project. Here’s a newsflash – real life is full of ups and downs, imperfections, good things happening simultaneously as bad things happen, etc. Indeed, you’re not going to get 100% perfection in anything during your lifetime (at least not yet), but does that mean you shouldn’t bother starting at all?

4. You can have high standards

If you’re only focusing on what you think is wrong with something instead of what’s right about it, it means that your standards are too high. Of course, there are some things in life where people should have high standards – if you’re applying for a new job, studying for an important exam, or doing something that will require a lot of time and effort, then it’s reasonable to want to do your best. But the problem with perfectionists is that their standards are usually ridiculously high. It can be hard not to think about how great everything would be if perfect, but not everything will be. To be happy, you need to learn how to accept things as they are sometimes.

5. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable

Perfectionists tend to avoid difficult tasks because the discomfort of failure or rejection is more than they can handle. This means that some important opportunities might go by or that you’re willing to settle for something less than your best so that you don’t have to try. Your dreams can be scary sometimes, but they also bring opportunity and excitement with them. Sometimes it takes courage to get out of your comfort zone, but it’s worth it in the end.

6. You can’t control everything around you

If you’re a perfectionist, chances are you also tend to try to control everything. You might be great at getting organized and finding solutions for most problems, but sometimes things aren’t always in your control – they happen. Your friends will do what they want whether or not you approve of it; people will act the way they act, and that’s not always up to you. The sooner you learn to let go of some things, the better your life will be.

7. It’s okay to say “no.”

When people are perfectionists, it can be hard for them to turn down an opportunity or responsibility because they want everything in their life to be excellent. But if you don’t want to do something or aren’t sure about it, then say no. It doesn’t make you a bad person, and the right people will respect you for it.

8. Think about what’s an important able and guilt-free way of living

Perfectionists tend to put way too many demands on themselves, which ends up making them feel stressed out, exhausted, and like there is never enough time in the day to get everything done that they want to do. If you learn how to prioritize your life, you’ll be able to do more things with less stress.

9. Spend some time relaxing

Perfectionists tend to think that they need to be busy and productive constantly, but this attitude can cause them a lot of stress. Make sure you give yourself time to relax and recharge so that your mind and body can stay healthy and happy.

10. Learn to be kinder to yourself “you’re not perfect either.”

If you want to stop being a perfectionist, you must learn how to be kind and patient. Perfectionists tend to be their own worst critics, and this can lead them to beat up on themselves for no reason when they make mistakes, or things don’t go well. Try not to get too down on yourself when something doesn’t work out, and give yourself some credit when you do well. Remember that nobody is perfect, so don’t expect too much from yourself all the time.

11. Embrace your quirks

Everyone has weird little habits that they think are strange, but others might not notice or care about. There are times when you’re probably going to feel embarrassed about the way you act or the things that you do, but it’s important to remember that everyone is different. Your quirks are what make you unique and interesting – they’re not something to be ashamed of.

12. Remember, there are no right answers

Perfectionists tend to be afraid to take risks because they’re always afraid that something bad might happen if they do. It’s important to remember that there are no right or wrong choices – just different consequences. It can be scary trying new things, but you have to go for it if you want anything good in your life.

13. Trust yourself

Perfectionists are people pleasers, which means they’re always afraid of disappointing others. But if you’re always trying to be someone else’s idea of perfect, then you won’t ever be satisfied with yourself. You have to trust yourself and live your life for yourself instead of everyone else. You’ll make mistakes, but that’s okay – you’ll learn from them.

14. Take things one day at a time, able to take on the world

Perfectionists always try to accomplish everything at once, making them feel stressed out and overworked. Instead of trying to fix or change every single thing in your life all at once, try taking things one day at a time. You can slowly work on making improvements this way, and you won’t feel overwhelmed in the process.

15. Find your passions able to leave room for spontaneity

Perfectionists tend to put all their energy into achieving, which means they don’t always have much leftover for their own lives. If you want to improve your life, try finding the things you enjoy and spending some time focusing on them. This way, you’ll have more energy for improving yourself because you won’t be running yourself into the ground trying to keep up with everything that needs to get done.

16. Say “no” to things you don’t want to do only have so much time and energy

Perfectionists take on too many tasks because they’re afraid that if they say “no,” then people will judge them for it. Remember – you’re not a bad person just because you can’t help out with everything at work or in your personal life. Sometimes it’s okay to say “no,” and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. People will respect you more if you take care of yourself first.

17. Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Perfectionists believe that they have to do everything themselves to get things done right, but this isn’t true. Asking for help is a great way to accomplish more in less time. If you depend too much on yourself, there won’t be anyone around to pick up the slack when you have a bad day or get sick.

18. Don’t compare yourself to other people

Perfectionists always try to be better than everyone else, which isn’t a good way to approach life. It’s impossible to live up to other people’s standards, and trying can end up ruining your self-esteem. Nobody is perfect, and you shouldn’t waste your time thinking that you have to measure up to be happy.

19. Accept your mistakes and move on condoning your mistakes

Perfectionists feel the need to apologize for their errors, which isn’t fair to them or anyone else involved. If you try to fix every mistake you make, you’ll never have time to improve yourself because you’ll spend all your time feeling guilty. It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes, and you shouldn’t feel bad about them because they’re a part of life. When you apologize for something, realize that you’re not accepting responsibility for it or condoning it – you’re just acknowledging the fact that things don’t always go the way that we want them to.

20. Let go of control

Perfectionists feel the need to make sure that everything is going according to plan at all times. While it’s good to be ready for anything, you can’t always prepare for what life will throw at you. Sometimes the best way to handle a problem is to let things play out and take it one step at a time. And remember – no matter how much you try to control things, some issues are just out of your hands.

Conclusion

I’ve been a perfectionist most of my life. It was only when I had my daughter that it became an issue that needed to be addressed and overcome. As she grew, so did her expectations for me – which were often unrealistic in the face of real-life demands on our time and energy. So, with some help from experts at Stanford University, here are 20 tips you can use to stop being a perfectionist!