Many people find it difficult to let go of the past and how they feel about things that happened to them. Whether this is because of how someone treated you or how much time you invested into something, we often become attached to those memories. This attachment can lead us down a path where we cannot enjoy life as it comes at us each day, and we spend more time focusing on what has happened than what will happen in the future. Here are 35 ways to not get attached to people so that you can live your best life now!
1. Be as little as possible in their company
Spend time apart from them whenever you can, and give yourself a wide berth of acquaintances to make friends with instead. This way, if they do betray your trust, you won’t be as hurt because the emotional attachment will not be as intense as if the two of you spend every waking moment together.
2. Don’t say anything you don’t mean
When you talk to them, watch what you’re saying. If it’s something they might end up hearing someday and does not want to hear it, then don’t say it first! It’s as simple as that. Your friend may do a few things now and then that irritate you, but if you want to keep them around, don’t let it show.
3. Don’t force things
Don’t do nice things for him or her just because you feel obliged to do so. If you can see that they’re doing nothing but taking advantage of your good-heartedness, then why not cut down on the niceties? If you give too much, you’ll only end up feeling bad about yourself and resent them for it.
4. Remember that they’re not your whole world
Don’t make this person the center of your universe. When you do, you end up ruining all other relationships in your life because nothing compares to the one you have with them, and you end up pushing away anyone who might be a better friend to you.
5. Make sure there’s no “us” before there’s a “we.”
No matter how compatible the two of you are, don’t start thinking about being together romantically until you’re sure you can be friends first. If becoming a couple will ruin your friendship, don’t do it.
No matter how much you want them around in a more permanent way, make sure that you value your relationship with them enough not to jeopardize what the two of you already have. Otherwise, you’ll end up making things complicated for both of you.
6. Don’t get weak in the knees
If you suddenly start getting giddy every time your phone rings for no good reason, don’t be surprised if people ask what’s wrong with you! If it happens often, then they’ll know that something is up and will either confront you about it or avoid you until you’ve gotten yourself together and behave more normally.
7. Never force your friendship on them if they don’t want it
When you’re trying to be nice, they harass you about why the hell you’re doing this for them after all they’ve done to hurt your feelings. If they push away every friendly gesture that you send their way, don’t worry about trying to act the part of the bigger person.
8. Be polite but distant
Being cordial is fine, but don’t get too familiar because you’ll only end up making them think that there could be something between the two of you when it’s obvious to everyone else that this will never happen.
9. Be aware of your faults first before you point out their faults
Don’t be quick to judge them for what you see as their wrongdoing when there’s a possibility that they may have had something else on their minds or are just simply not aware of the harm they are causing. If this person is someone who you care about and want to keep around, then why not be more accepting of their faults? Doing so will only do you good in the long run.
10. Don’t try too hard
If they can see that you’re putting in the effort to please them, this may imply that you don’t have a life of your own. It could also make them end up feeling guilty that you’re the only one making all these changes for them.
11. Just because they want to spend time with you now doesn’t mean that they don’t have other friends
If your friend suddenly starts spending most of their time hanging out with you, this is not a good sign. This means that they may be having trouble with other people. If you take their side, then there’s a possibility that they will exclude their other friends and cause them to lose good company.
12. Don’t pull away when they want more
If you see that your friend wants to tighten the friendship ship by getting more attached to you, don’t be the first to pull out. If you do so without giving them another chance, they’ll most likely assume that you were just never interested in being their friend.
13. Don’t give too much away
If you’re already at your limit of sharing personal information with this person, then don’t let them know any more of your weaknesses. Otherwise, you’ll end up regretting it later on because they might use what you’ve told them against you.
14. Don’t make empty promises
Learn to communicate with each other more clearly so that either of you will know whether or not the other person is being honest.
15. Don’t be too available by always being there for them when they need somebody to talk to or lean on
If you do this, they’ll get used to it and eventually start depending on you more than socially advisable. This will only lead to people taking advantage of your good nature while ultimately making them end up not respecting you in the long run.
16. Don’t be overly dependent on each other when it comes to attending family functions
This will only make your respective loved ones think that they are the more important person in your life instead of you being able to stand on your own two feet by yourself. Also, if things don’t work out between the two of you and your friendship ends, then you will end up having to deal with a lot of people who would have wanted to keep you apart.
17. Don’t let yourself be isolated from other friends
If they make it difficult for you to spend time with your other friends or insist that they don’t want to be around your other friends, then it’s either they’re insecure about themselves, thinking that you may not prefer them over your other friends, or they’re just simply jealous.
18. Don’t use yourself as a test subject for their insecurities
Insecurities can arise from anything, and what this person needs to understand is that how they handle their insecurities is up to them. You don’t have to be the one trying to help them deal with it.
19. Don’t let yourself get influenced by other people’s problems
You might want to be the kind, helpful person you are, but if this person learns how to rely on you to get over their problems, this will only lead to the two of you having yours and each other’s issues.
20. Don’t let yourself be clingy
If your friend is showing signs that they’re getting too attached to you, like wanting to spend more time with you or asking about your whereabouts, it’s either because they see you as a security blanket or think they have the right to know everything about you.
21. Don’t give your other friends the impression that they’re secondary in comparison to one particular person
It’s okay if there are certain people that you are closer with than others but spread yourself around so that every single friend feels special. Otherwise, they’ll think that you don’t have enough time for them or that they are not as important to you.
22. Don’t always say what the other person wants to hear
This will only make them feel insecure about themselves because if you’re saying what they want to hear instead of telling them how it is, this will give them the impression that they can’t depend on your words to think about what others are thinking.
23. Don’t try too hard to be the person’s source of comfort and happiness
If you’re always trying to cheer up or comfort them, this may eventually make them feel like they cannot deal with their problems.
24. Don’t make promises and breaks them
If you say that you’ll do something and then end up doing nothing, this will only make the other person feel like they can’t trust your words and eventually lose respect for you as a result.
25. Don’t be afraid to say “no” when they ask you to do something
People do not mind readers, so if they keep on asking you to do things that you don’t want or can’t do, then this is their problem, not yours. If the person gets angry at you for saying no, this shows how possessive and dependent you are.
26. Don’t be too quick to assume that you can trust someone
You don’t know much about the person yet, so even if they seem like they’re into you, it’s still possible not to fully trust them until you’ve known them for a much longer time.
27. Don’t pretend like everything is okay when it’s not
People looking for a shoulder to cry on will surely appreciate it more if you listen and comfort them instead of being cheerful about something that suffocates you.
28. Don’t be too pushy with your opinions on why they should feel how you’re feeling
If the person doesn’t want to open up to you, there are other ways on how you can be of help without forcing them into confessing their problems under your pressure.
29. Don’t think that you’re responsible for someone’s happiness
You don’t have the power to make somebody feel good about them all the time. They should be mostly happy with themselves before they can appreciate your company and begin to depend on it.
30. Don’t spend too much time and effort thinking about someone who isn’t thinking of you the same way
This will only make you feel pathetic and clingy towards them if they’re not even doing something to make you love them back.
31. Don’t keep silent if someone makes you feel small
If a friend, lover, or acquaintance is making you feel bad about yourself and putting you down, then this should be a red flag that they aren’t worth your attention. You might as well save yourself from being treated badly before it’s too late.
32. Don’t be overly sensitive about the words you use around them
Sometimes it’s good to be careful about what you say, but if you can’t even joke or tease because you’re afraid they will take offense, something is wrong here because this person isn’t making your friendship worth experiencing.
33. Don’t continue to stay in a toxic friendship
You might be afraid of being alone, or you might consider yourself too nice to tell someone that it’s time they leave your life, but the truth is, this is hurting you more than making you happy. If people are not supportive of whom you are and what makes you feel good about yourself, then it’s better to let them go and stay happy on your own.
34. Don’t make yourself available to someone who doesn’t care enough to know about you
If the person only makes small talk and rarely even asks any questions about what makes up your life, then this means that they’re not fully invested in trying to get to know you and eventually won’t be there for you when the time comes that you need them.
35. Don’t let yourself feel guilty for wanting more of someone’s affection
Just because they’re nice to you on most days, this doesn’t mean that it’s your responsibility to give up on what makes you happy just so that person can have what they want.
Conclusion
How to not get attached to people? The most important thing to remember is that you have a choice in how much of your time and energy you want to devote to this person. For any relationship, romantic or otherwise, to be healthy, it requires an equal give-and-take from both parties involved. This means not being clingy when the other party has made it clear they don’t need anything more from you or vice versa. It’s always best if people can make decisions on their own about whether or not they want something without feeling like someone else will leave them (or doing things out of guilt). If we stop clinging onto relationships while trying new ones, we may find some true happiness along the way!
